The Gift of a Sensitive Heart

The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 20:5 NIV

When I hear the word “sensitive,” my hackles rise. I can almost feel my incisors gleam as I prepare to defend my worth—again. Who decides how much emotion we are allowed?

I happen to come by my marvelous sensitivity naturally. Sure, it may have become heightened a tiny bit when I lost my parents and floundered for years connecting to my new reality. My sister had the same experience, and she didn’t develop an unwanted “sensitivity” that made me take something someone said more personally than they intended, or react intensely to a hurt other people barely noticed.

Am I Too Sensitive?

For years I fought to overcome it. I worked not to read rejection into relationships when it wasn’t there. I fought to refrain from dwelling on criticism, instead of letting people’s words have power over me. I aimed to restrain my fervent nature, for it made more trouble than it was worth. I turned a blind eye to the faults of others around me, sure my own were so much worse. This eventually contributed to a lie and stronghold: I was unworthy.

The unworthiness grew and tagged along with anxiety. Butterflies, sweaty armpits, self-consciousness bound me to shame. I could not “cure” my sensitive nature, and therefore I disappointed myself and others. My reactions were the problem—or so I was told. It would take many years to discover that perhaps sensitivity itself had never been the enemy.

Sensitivity as a Gift

Many years later, I became a writer. One day, when working with someone younger than me, I received an email. The person wrote and apologized for being too sensitive on an issue that I did not recognize as a problem. This person described themselves as hyper-sensitive, anxious, and guilty.

I read the email as though it were written on a mirror.  In the mirror, I was younger. It took many years for me to realize that my sensitivity was a gift.

Strength in Sensitivity

When a person is sensitive, sometimes called complex, they often recognize another person’s hurt and respond with compassion. They are empathetic.

Creative people are often considered thin-skinned or hyper-sensitive. In actuality, this is a God-given gift. For writers, this gift allows them to perceive subtleties in what surrounds them, in facial expressions, the subtle beauty of their atmosphere, and tone in language. They bring these perceptions into their craft, inviting connection with a reader who can see, hear, and smell their words.

Sensitivity can help develop discernment. The Christian submitted to the Holy Spirit can deepen attentiveness to what is happening beneath the surface of a situation and perhaps offer the grace for connection by listening well and helping others feel seen.

To be tender to the Scriptures means opening our hearts, taking in the Holy words, responding to the needs of others in turn, and hearing the Holy Spirit’s prompting to pray, encourage, serve, or speak.

Wisdom and Boundaries

I’m the President of a critique group. At times, I have been hurt by a comment, no matter how graciously it was given. Being resilient doesn’t mean becoming less sensitive.

We can listen with an open mind while having healthy boundaries around what we take to heart. When we lift our concern to the LORD and ask Him to show us what to keep and what to release, we steward the gift He has given us well.

When we take this approach, our burden is lifted, and we are free of defensiveness. In its place comes the love and gratitude that we are meant to share. Other-focused care and insight draw out the most delicate among us, and soften even the meanest, for they are with us, too.

Stewarding Your Sensitivity

Tune into yourself by asking the following questions: Does my sensitive nature make me compassionate? Does it help me notice people who are hurting? Does it deepen my writing, my prayer, or my relationships with God and others? If so, hold on to these strengths.

If you find your sensitivity causes anxiety, fear, withdrawal, or discouragement — talk to God. Ask Him to help you set limits for your protection, so you can complete the purpose He has given you. Take what you might need to learn from each interaction, and leave the rest. Everyone experiences the world through different lenses. Seek to understand yours and trust God to refine it.

Grow Your Resilience

A mighty oak grows from a small acorn. Jesus tells us that faith as small as a mustard seed moves mountains. (Matthew 17:20)

Realize that you can be tender without being fragile. Stay rooted in the Truth, sing your worship songs, get on your knees in prayer. Be sure of your purpose and your gift of sensitivity.

And know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)